Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have matured to mid-teens and investigate the mirror and not recognize the reflection? Well, that is what occurred in my life. I suddenly realized at age 16 that I had no idea who I was.

My adoptive parents raised me in a chaotic environment with four other unrelated and adopted children alongside a revolving door of 300 foster children, and I never formed any secure attachments.

I felt abandoned growing up. How could I bond when we were in constant disarray? Our home is filled with children, all ethnicities desperately seeking the approval of a parent by responding precisely to every instruction.

Yes, my adoptive parents were kind people. Still, to this day, I question their ability to raise adopted children, primarily because parental love miscommunicated through deeds had minimal time for genuine relationships.

My primary responsibilities during my childhood were to follow parental instructions, help care for the babies, and tend to my brothers and sisters (being the oldest).  I did follow instructions without question, helping my parents to maintain our social status.

We lived in suburbia, a middle-class people of color, and there was always an unspoken desire to “keep up with the Jones” in our household to kept all parties on task because appearances took precedence.

The idea of writing my story came from a desire to heal through sharing my life experiences of abandonment, adoption, marriage, motherhood, and finally, reunion with my biological family.  I’m an overcomer despite my initiation.

Ultimately, I have become an accomplished person, filled with optimism and a tender heart. I attribute this to God’s presence in my life. He seemed to show up when I was my most vulnerable. I am now living out his purpose for me. I am an entrepreneur, and my practice revolves around coaching adoptive families to ease the adoptee’s experience.

I am meeting parents who probably have the same question my adoptive parents had while raising all of us…how you manage the challenges this unexpected union ignites.  Hopefully,  there are some invaluable lessons and life experience which convey insight.