The expectation that I carried all my life was a heavy load that burdened me and felt like a pack of rocks that fit into a backpack and rested on my spine.  It had always been my dream to find my biological people.  I knew the concept was not unheard of because of all the support groups and the testimonies others had on their experiences.

 

Unfortunately, my birth/first mom had passed five years before the encounter.  However, my birth/first father was still alive, and so the honeymoon period began. I could meet and be welcomed by him temporarily because he passed 27 months following our meeting.  It was the best outcome to a lifelong desire to see people that looked like me and might appear interested in my life.

What a surprise to find I had six paternal siblings!   The honeymoon phase remained my life’s dream fulfilled while he was still alive.  I could see how his children could be apprehensive, but I did not consider the rejection I would encounter toward the end of my time with him.

He was a good man!  I wish some of his charisma might have been paid forward to the children he raised.  The rejection turned out to be overwhelming, and it underscored the adoption trauma I suffered.  I wish them well, and I had hoped our acquaintance could have turned into a “commitment” to remain in a partnership rather than the actions that forced our separation.

 

Fear and Anxiety in Reunion

 

• Conflicting expectations and goals: while one party may be fulfilling their obligations, the other party may want a relationship.
• Either party may be angry about the adoption or reject the idea of meeting – the lack of trust may overcome the relationship.
• Unwillingness to re-live the situation, especially when rape has created the adoption placement, a reunion may be complicated for the birthparent and confuse the adoptee.
• Disappointment may ensue if either party cannot arise to the other party’s expectations.
• Suspicion about the person’s motivation can creep into the mindset of either party. Especially if one learns of the socio-economic standing of the other, their relationship can be challenging.