Have you ever thought about how a star is born?
Isn’t it ironic how so much trauma and manipulation occurs to create a shinning star? What gases must come together to build its density? Can that star be altered once it’s substantially formed? Well I was giving this idea some thought and decided to do some research to see what the scientist had to say. My research found this article along with several others; however, they all say the same thing in varying degrees of scientific prowess. The interesting part – our character, also molded after great trauma, challenges, disappointments and manipulation (unfortunately) occurs during our lives to mold a strong and brilliant individual. I found the following deduction simple and interesting.
Richard Brill, an associate professor at Honolulu Community College, offers the following answer:
“A star is born when atoms of light elements are squeezed under enough pressure for their nuclei to undergo fusion.
All stars are the result of a balance of forces: the force of gravity compresses atoms in interstellar gas until the fusion reactions begin. And once the fusion reactions begin, they exert an outward pressure. As long as the inward force of gravity and the outward force generated by the fusion reactions are equal, the star remains stable.
Irregularities in the density of the gas causes a net gravitational force that pulls the gas molecules closer together. Some astronomers think that a gravitational or magnetic disturbance causes the nebula to collapse. As the gases collect, they lose potential energy, which results in an increase in temperature.”
So Many Potential Stars at Royal Family Kids
Now that I have had some time to recuperate from my experience at Royal Family Kids (RFK); my reflection draws me to consider the elements that may have been present when the 47 children we served were born. You see the primary attribute for these children to come to camp in the first place, established foster care participation, secondly their age – they met requirements of 6 and 11 years of age. Finally, their social worker had to select them from all the children in their caseload.
My thought was how did they get there initially, considering these babies came into this world by way of normal channels. They probably cried initially and sought regular feeding and attachment to the mother they had known subconsciously. Their quest for knowledge and love drove their primal instincts. What went wrong?
Watching the behavior and trauma related limitations (i.e. inability to focus, running away, shutting down, seeking attention, fighting and other PTSD symptoms) I wondered what “elements” were present at their delivery. What pressures where their parents under when they took home post delivery, from where it had been safe. As if the process of become a new star in this world was not enough, this child may have been an inconvenience or exasperation to daily adult living; therefore, miss being loved unconditionally.
Is it possible to love a child into stability meeting developmental stages and supporting their need to feel attachment and security? I know that when a child does not return to its mother within infant adoption process an automatic trauma occurs because the child subconsciously expects to meet the person with whom they have become attached. For the child that stays with their bio-parents, if there is chaos outside the womb, the hyperactivity expressed by the fetus initiates a warning to the mother. Arguments, chaotic home life, abusive spouse and other extreme noises may seem harmless and still have influence on the unborn child. Other things to consider: when a mother drinks, self-medicate and/or smokes there is an impact on the unborn child who may seem anxious post deliver
Yes, the children we met during camp may have been I’m so part and parcel of the situations mentioned above. To complicate matters, they are in foster care. The chaos, abuse and neglect may have contributed to their trauma they exhibited.
It is extremely special when a child who has never experienced a birthday has a special birthday celebration at RFK (as pictured in photo 1, 4 & 5). It is an entire day of fun and activities, including but not limited to, face painting, horseback and Harley riding, with two fantastic meals including cake and ice cream, swimming and dancing. The structure or support is a testimony to the commitment this organization has made to support the heart of these children and to give them one week in which they experienced acceptance. All funding comes from local community churches and public donations, which are well used and greatly appreciated.
Struggling through enlightenment……
My experience, well let’s just say I experienced emotional frustration and exhaustion, physical challenges and spiritual growth, simultaneously. When I saw all those little faces run out of the bus and across the red carpet my heart fell to my knees. My thoughts were full of hope and excitement for the coming days. I knew my one-on-one relationship with my camper would be special and I could not wait to meet her. I understood she had been to camp several times before and that this was her last year. From what I understood we were of the same race and her mother was not available to take care of her and the rest of her family.
This experience had a lasting impact on me. My camper needed love and understanding but seemed to reject our relationship. I am not sure why this happened; I thought it might have been because when she looked in my eyes, she saw her mother who had abandoned her, or if she just was not that into me, and it hurt.
As an adoptee I have suffered some trauma and this was simply a reminder of what it felt like to not be wanted. I felt defeated but I could not allow my emotions to defeat my relationship with this child, who deserved love. So I accepted the abrasive, offensive and insensitive verbal and non-verbal behavior as a part of her that needed healing. I loved on her as best I could so that she could realize all older women are not just like her mom and that there are people who care.
I prayed for her, with her and about her in hopes that the hard exterior would auto combust, similar to how the star birth creates “magnetic disturbance cause the nebula to collapse.’ We had some heart warming times and at one point during the tea party; I felt a closeness that could not be described and for a moment it was reciprocal. That was short-lived as the openness in that moment immediately withdrew. Filled with an emotion I could not put words, I removed myself for a while and quietly cried my eyes out. I felt I had lost energy like the stars lose potential energy, “which results in an increase in temperature,” however, I would not allow my hope to fade and so I pressed on.
Understanding that my role as a woman of faith is to plant seeds and allow God to do his work. I must comment, my camper also reported she was a believer; and I observed as God came through for her on two separate occasions, following her prayers. This made my heart glow in happiness, because I knew she would take these lessons with her, when she returned home and that bit of light would impact her star’s radiance.
When the last day arrived the schedule provided time in which communication between counselor and camper could not be avoided. I handed her personal book of pictures to take home including great experiences, co-campers and activities. and we laughed and reviewed it together.
Was it only a week? It seemed like my life pivoted and I belonged in my bunk bed with 9 other people (5 counselors to 5 campers) and that I belonged here, at camp. We laughed at some our journey together and I left her with the following parting idea: “When you turn 21 in 10 years think back to your last year with RFK and know you experienced a relationship with an older woman who was “for real,” (It was surprising to see her composure change and her eyes look at me with acknowledgement). I continued with, “a woman who loves you and who loves Jesus. God Bless and keep you safe.”
My belief could be ill-conceived and or at least incorrect; but,
I sensed a star was taking shape and that all the experiences she had at RFK will help her to become a better person. In Colossians 1:29 states: “For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that powerfully works within me.” Perhaps some of our experience had made an impact.
Hopefully, she’ll outlive the anger and shame to shine a radiant glow, once she is able to make sense of it all, and trust the place of peace that ignited within her a RFK. I have faith that the love she has received over her 4 year experience, will help her develop and allow her to shine.
